crooners make me smile saturday

the world is changing. and. leaving me behind.

what do i do with this fact.

fact. not to be disputed. not to be argued with. i will die and the world will keep 'worlding.'


where is the reason? i wish i had never been led to think about a reason for existence. i used to dream of becoming mentally disabled. completely ignorant. just happy. but, would i be happy? i probably would be dumped into a care home. left with dirty, depressing rooms and "care-takers". fucked either way.


so, i listen to harry connick jr and wish for the 90's. the parts i wish for. dumb, i know. not fulfilling. but damnit if harry and e.r. don't warm me from my coma a bit. just a bit.


shit.


why can't i just be normal? just happy? ignorantly happy?


i am snapping out of it. it is taking a few years. has been. i want to snap out of it. i am working to snap out it.


le sigh.

cock a doodle doo saturday

"grab my cock. as i walk. grab my butt. in a rut."

songs my husband sings while prancing around in the morning.

yup.

all mine.