My life has NEVER been better. Every morning this is true. Not money, not socialtude- LIFE. Always moving forward! I am living in Now. I am loving Vida. Always. :)
This includes expressing passion for what is not love I see and find in the world around me.
This includes having several stances in one realm of meaning/thought/action...
I am not limited by your views- you are not limited by mine.
We refuse to be boxed in- even by our own personal selves.
boom.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
found waldo sunday
I have finally found a person living outdoors here. This ville is full of bmw's, jags, and mercedes'. This man rolls out on his kicks and big times' it with extra-large grocery bags around town. We probably do not speak the same verbal language. Maybe we can learn to share the same non-verbal dialect: clean socks for free. And, a smile. Not the shit-eating kind. The "Hey. I see you. And I'm still here." kind.
I miss my street friends back Home. Fucking mad miss you fucking all. I love you.
Monday, March 8, 2010
you should always hydrate Monday
I am fighting apathy.
I believe in God. I believe in God deciding we need some current info on the whole existence and after earth existence thing. He put it into a form we would comprehend (somewhat). Decides so and so is pregnant and the baby is God incarnate. What the hell does that mean? I do not know.
Apathy. My apathy is - what do I do with this belief? Do... Those who have gone before me in mass numbers have done quite a fucking 'nuff to fuck fuck fuck things up here for all beings and creatures. So my response is - do nothing. That is doing something, I know, all you two'sides of the coin people.
For now I will shower more often than not, eat fairly well, and stay the fuck out of fucking up people's lives. Focally- my own. I may nevery get it perfect but I'll die trying. hahahahaha. In the best way possible.
I believe in God. I believe in God deciding we need some current info on the whole existence and after earth existence thing. He put it into a form we would comprehend (somewhat). Decides so and so is pregnant and the baby is God incarnate. What the hell does that mean? I do not know.
Apathy. My apathy is - what do I do with this belief? Do... Those who have gone before me in mass numbers have done quite a fucking 'nuff to fuck fuck fuck things up here for all beings and creatures. So my response is - do nothing. That is doing something, I know, all you two'sides of the coin people.
For now I will shower more often than not, eat fairly well, and stay the fuck out of fucking up people's lives. Focally- my own. I may nevery get it perfect but I'll die trying. hahahahaha. In the best way possible.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
a pence more Monday
Some days I feel very very old.
Aged, really. Like I am a great great grandmother. Not tired necessarily, rather, filled with time past. Like I am just passing by on a lazy river while the world carries on. Others paddle close-by. One or two may even steady the current with me through the story book pages of my existence in this body, this world...
Aged, really. Like I am a great great grandmother. Not tired necessarily, rather, filled with time past. Like I am just passing by on a lazy river while the world carries on. Others paddle close-by. One or two may even steady the current with me through the story book pages of my existence in this body, this world...
long long sigh and sigh Monday
Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.
© 1961 Paramount Music Corporation, ASCAP
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
i took a shower Tuesday afternoon
sometimes i feel truly alive
today it was the few moments after i finished my shower
i dried my body
looked at the hair on my legs
i was singing you got it by mr orbison
mostly because i had just finished watching boys on the side
looking down at the hair on my legs gives me peace
stability maybe
it has yet to let me down i guess
that was not the moment
it helped to create the moment
i stepped out of the diminutive tiled shower
it is the color of a morning tide pool
it makes it easier to breathe somehow
for me anyway
i had only briefly ran the stiffened pink towel down the back
of my soaked crowning hair
it is too short to be called long and too long to be called short
i run my fingers through it now and again wishing it was gone
then i think about being a woman
i overthink that for another hour and
then shake it off with a glass of water
the moments i truly felt alive today
i stayed naked
the moisture was evaporating from my skin
the soft winter daylight whispered through the burled bathroom glass window
it faces east
you can't see through it
only the light
i stood before the sink
naked and cool skinned
opening the small, plastic, center medicine cabinet door
i grabbed my toothbrush
unscrewed the cap of my toothpaste
turned on the tap and ran the combo underneath
as i started the rhythm of small circular movement back and forth
across the secret world that is my teeth
i felt it
i closed the small mirrored door to stare at myself
my hand content to carry on without me
cold drops of clear water
running from my scalp to the edges of my hair
falling like velvet kisses
the kind you get on your cheek from nieces and nephews on easter
it was like dying
i have found many times that feeling truly alive involves variants of death
each cold fall finding rest in the crook between neck and shoulder
slowly tracing the light from behind me
sliding towards it
to roll over and down my shoulder blade
slide noiselessly across the narrows of my collarbone
i could only know that i wanted to cry
to know what it might be like if i did cry
staring in the mirror
watching water fall from the tips of my hair
i was being touched
someone touching my skin
it was myself
the crying spirit inside of me
the one thankful for this moment
thankful for the pain of being alive
scared of having to be alive until i die
death will be better
until then
God send me courage
send me drops of peace
water on my naked body
water on my soul
i finished brushing my teeth
i like running my rinsed toothbrush back over them
especially behind each tooth
i also brush my tongue
it makes me smile
wrapping the now damp towel around my head like a pink cocoon
i dress
and sigh
and try to think of other things
i love being naked
i love being bundled
i am learning to feel truly alive
for more than the moments
some days
someday
i believe in someday
just like today believes in me
sigh
i will die if otherwise
the kind of dying that lasts your whole life
no to that
yes to hope
even when i am alone
angry
forlorn
ambivalent
woe begotten
self piteous
etc
i am never entirely lost of my hope
in the knowledge that life is true
being alive is just half of life
help me to understand this
life after cancer is still a bitch. :)a fucking fucked the fuck up'd one! hahahahahaha! Jesus help me I'm fucking laughing! Shit :) ya. FUCK.
i love You
thanks from me to You, always. always.
today it was the few moments after i finished my shower
i dried my body
looked at the hair on my legs
i was singing you got it by mr orbison
mostly because i had just finished watching boys on the side
looking down at the hair on my legs gives me peace
stability maybe
it has yet to let me down i guess
that was not the moment
it helped to create the moment
i stepped out of the diminutive tiled shower
it is the color of a morning tide pool
it makes it easier to breathe somehow
for me anyway
i had only briefly ran the stiffened pink towel down the back
of my soaked crowning hair
it is too short to be called long and too long to be called short
i run my fingers through it now and again wishing it was gone
then i think about being a woman
i overthink that for another hour and
then shake it off with a glass of water
the moments i truly felt alive today
i stayed naked
the moisture was evaporating from my skin
the soft winter daylight whispered through the burled bathroom glass window
it faces east
you can't see through it
only the light
i stood before the sink
naked and cool skinned
opening the small, plastic, center medicine cabinet door
i grabbed my toothbrush
unscrewed the cap of my toothpaste
turned on the tap and ran the combo underneath
as i started the rhythm of small circular movement back and forth
across the secret world that is my teeth
i felt it
i closed the small mirrored door to stare at myself
my hand content to carry on without me
cold drops of clear water
running from my scalp to the edges of my hair
falling like velvet kisses
the kind you get on your cheek from nieces and nephews on easter
it was like dying
i have found many times that feeling truly alive involves variants of death
each cold fall finding rest in the crook between neck and shoulder
slowly tracing the light from behind me
sliding towards it
to roll over and down my shoulder blade
slide noiselessly across the narrows of my collarbone
i could only know that i wanted to cry
to know what it might be like if i did cry
staring in the mirror
watching water fall from the tips of my hair
i was being touched
someone touching my skin
it was myself
the crying spirit inside of me
the one thankful for this moment
thankful for the pain of being alive
scared of having to be alive until i die
death will be better
until then
God send me courage
send me drops of peace
water on my naked body
water on my soul
i finished brushing my teeth
i like running my rinsed toothbrush back over them
especially behind each tooth
i also brush my tongue
it makes me smile
wrapping the now damp towel around my head like a pink cocoon
i dress
and sigh
and try to think of other things
i love being naked
i love being bundled
i am learning to feel truly alive
for more than the moments
some days
someday
i believe in someday
just like today believes in me
sigh
i will die if otherwise
the kind of dying that lasts your whole life
no to that
yes to hope
even when i am alone
angry
forlorn
ambivalent
woe begotten
self piteous
etc
i am never entirely lost of my hope
in the knowledge that life is true
being alive is just half of life
help me to understand this
life after cancer is still a bitch. :)a fucking fucked the fuck up'd one! hahahahahaha! Jesus help me I'm fucking laughing! Shit :) ya. FUCK.
i love You
thanks from me to You, always. always.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
history repeating is there purpose wednesday
What do you have to say about talk of the Burka being Banned in France?
Where does this lead? Muslim women can't leave their homes in France? What about Buddhist nuns? What about...what about...? What's really going on, France?
friend k: France boasts a pretty large Muslim minority and they are the center of quite a bit of contention. They have been talking about banning the Burka for awhile now. If they do it will be huge. In November the Swiss voted to put a ban on the construction of minarets on Muslim mosques. Europe and Islam are not getting along with now (to put it mildly).
friend l: I'm shocked? I don't know what is going on. I will buy a newspaper.
friend m: i have not heard of this until now, but if this is a serious deal then i am extremely disappointed in france. i don't need to explain the cultural, social, and religious importance of the burka to muslim society. i don't know if france thinks they are "liberating" muslim women, but meddling in the affairs of religion by a political power has caused some major problems throughout the history of mankind.
i'm going to have to go check this out now.
friend k: France (and all of Europe) are not trying to liberate Muslims, they are trying to keep their own culture alive. The arguments against Muslims in Europe are similar to some (but not all) arguments against illegal immigrants in the US.
friend m: but banning the burka sounds like quite an extreme measure to achieve a cultural goal...:\
Targeting the women (who really have no say- the Koran & Muslim men do) is infuriatingly ignorant.
friend m:extremely. i don't...agree with it no matter the cultural ramifications.
I do agree that the US and countless other countries/societies have done their share of discrimination- often leading to community violence and even internment, labor, and/or death camps to get 'unwanted' people out of the picture. Is Europe going to walk down this road again? Fighting the extremists by punishing the majority; way to be original. Oppression begets retaliation. It is the human story.
Where does this lead? Muslim women can't leave their homes in France? What about Buddhist nuns? What about...what about...? What's really going on, France?
friend k: France boasts a pretty large Muslim minority and they are the center of quite a bit of contention. They have been talking about banning the Burka for awhile now. If they do it will be huge. In November the Swiss voted to put a ban on the construction of minarets on Muslim mosques. Europe and Islam are not getting along with now (to put it mildly).
friend l: I'm shocked? I don't know what is going on. I will buy a newspaper.
friend m: i have not heard of this until now, but if this is a serious deal then i am extremely disappointed in france. i don't need to explain the cultural, social, and religious importance of the burka to muslim society. i don't know if france thinks they are "liberating" muslim women, but meddling in the affairs of religion by a political power has caused some major problems throughout the history of mankind.
i'm going to have to go check this out now.
friend k: France (and all of Europe) are not trying to liberate Muslims, they are trying to keep their own culture alive. The arguments against Muslims in Europe are similar to some (but not all) arguments against illegal immigrants in the US.
friend m: but banning the burka sounds like quite an extreme measure to achieve a cultural goal...:\
Targeting the women (who really have no say- the Koran & Muslim men do) is infuriatingly ignorant.
friend m:extremely. i don't...agree with it no matter the cultural ramifications.
I do agree that the US and countless other countries/societies have done their share of discrimination- often leading to community violence and even internment, labor, and/or death camps to get 'unwanted' people out of the picture. Is Europe going to walk down this road again? Fighting the extremists by punishing the majority; way to be original. Oppression begets retaliation. It is the human story.
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