' i. am.' saturday

a letter to a dear friend of mine. i want to share it.

"I saw this big book in a shop window. i walk by this shop every weekend when i meander to the town center to people watch and ice-cream eat ;) The books in the window are usually photography or art collections, maybe an antique journal or two.

I fell in love.

This big book staring boldy through the glass was covered in a black&white photo of a front-facing naked woman. She stood tall and fierce. Her arms were crossed under her (enormous!) breasts and her pubic hair was wild and shameless. Her face. This is where I fell in love. She had her face turned a little with her chin slightly tilted to the sky.

"I am." That is what she said to me. I want to be that picture. I thought of you on the train; of sending you a a black and white photograph of me NAKED! jumping in the air with the sun behind me! So, just you wait until i find a nude beach. I am going to smile and laugh as BIG as i possibly can! and jump high into the sky! that will be my "I am." "

toxicity and remedy friday

why i live grateful and joyous in my annulment of the woman whom gave birth to me:

i am free and continually free her from the continuum of living-death.

free from phony posing when the reality is one cluster-fuck of psychosis after another.

i am never again an option for her to derail on. She is never again an option for me to ulcerate over.

her money is her choice. her health is her choice. her reactions are her choice. her responsibility.

the poisons have no purchase.

annulled.


thank the One only One.

no toxics go in my heart.

ever never never.

i am rich!!!!! and it's thursday!

this morning i was a little fucking mad.

in My pantry on My shelf are My six boxes of equal quantities regular and fruit granola bars.

i went to My pantry and leaned toward My shelf and picked up one of My six boxes of equal quantities regular and fruit granola bars. IT WAS FUCKING EMPTY!

"damnit. (really emphasized period. .) " husband! these are MY GRANOLA BARS! of which not only am I now out of one ENTIRE BOX! but! my perfectly inventoried ratio of fruit to nut granola bars is COMPLETELY FUCKED TO THE MOON!

i stood there with that empty box of My granola bars and quietly fumed for about 50 seconds.

"what. the. fuck." "What the Fuck." I stopped myself like narcolepsy and stood in a stupor; like the idiot I was being.

'i am hoarding food...from my husband..." "?"

"they're just fucking granola bars. we will buy more when we run out."

i didn't believe that at first. i said it again.

"we WILL buy more when we run out."

i felt better after that one.

i put the empty box in the recycling bin and - I OPENED ANOTHER BOX! MADNESS!!!!

From this revelation I am committing to myself, for the sake of my alegria and that of my husband, to CONQUER THE POVERTY MINDSET; CONQUER THE IMPOVERISHED SELF.

It was like a fucking brick-house i have been living in- i just kicked it down- with no shoes on, betches. i have money to buy granola bars more than once every two or three months. i can buy them once a week! i can do that! and i will be okay! WHAT?!?!?!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is madness :]

and i will take more, please.

things i agree with as staples of my living

If vegetables are there-EAT THEM ALL
Take Your Vitamins!
Go to Sleep
Taking it Personal is immature (so get over it!)
Think about the other perspective
Cur-all: Put Yourself on Pause and take a short walk outside
Attention Hogs are out of style
Wear Sunscreen
Bring a Water Bottle
Bring Granola Bars
Bring a bonnet
Bring a scarf
Bring a hair-tie
Bring Sunglasses
Bring Chapstick
Bring Tissues
Bring a Pen
Bring hand cream
Bring hand sanitizer
Always Pee!
Just poop. Everybody does it. You’ll feel great when it’s over!
Save the receipt – in a memorable location with easy access :)
Have a fireproof case for vital records
More food prepared is better than less food prepared
Let someone else bring drinks
When in doubt- Throw It Out
Open windows cheer it up
Clean House=Clean Schedule
Flossing is your lover
Precise deadlines are the best; social and otherwise
Thank You cards are glue for life
Stretching makes a huge difference :)


...now the application... :)

rest saturday night

tea pots open the creaky door behind which Happiness waits. not the bull-shit useless kind; which, though beautiful, bring only anxiety in the knowledge of clumsiness and annihilation...ya, i don't use those.


sturdy, funky tea pots. full of piping hot water and fresh leaves and bits of herb relief.

i am a constant of happy child and wintry-souled woman. tea pots warm the aging siren and cheer the goofy girl.

my being belongs to the minor chords.

musica draws stick figures in my aura sunday afternoon

where is my place in this existence, this world?

i am supposed to be 17 forever.

my body has other plans. my mind has other plans. my heart has other plans. i want them to come together. each are tied by dental floss and this is not enough for me. for ME. i need more.

i am not 17 forever. i am not forever in this existence, this world.



what am i? where is my place?


what am i?

nothing in particular saturday

imparticular?


listening to El Salvador by The Athlete. i see leaves rustling across the lot, through the wood slats which keep critters out, as they should stay.

i am going to eat tzaziki tonight. you should, too.


i just don't know about this U.S./England game tonight. It could go either way! Crazy happens, folks! Story of my life. Perhaps the story of tonight's match.


other than that, i have been cooking steadily since last night & i rock.

olive oil
garlic out the yingyang
sea salt
mound of tomatoes
thai red peppers til it hurts
onions til you cain't see through your tears
one red apple diced for kicks
throw it all in a pan & simmer for hours

add a mountain of parsley and slap over some rice & shrimp. BOOOOOOOM.


eat it.


I love YOU.