I have mixed emotions about the sun. I enjoy seeing it, but, only when I am in the shade... preferably inside a clean and cozy room. No bugs, no sunburns. At the same time, I want to run in it. Brown in it until I crisp. Leather myself in rays of hot sweaty light. Laugh crash into the ocean to refresh my happily burning cells.
Eh, life.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
responsible tuesday
i'm trying to keep up with what responsible adults do...
check the mail every day.
floss twice a day.
re-apply deodorant?
(and, recently: remember appointments you make with friends- especially when you've sent them a color-coded calendar.]
check the mail every day.
floss twice a day.
re-apply deodorant?
(and, recently: remember appointments you make with friends- especially when you've sent them a color-coded calendar.]
Saturday, February 19, 2011
crooners make me smile saturday
the world is changing. and. leaving me behind.
what do i do with this fact.
fact. not to be disputed. not to be argued with. i will die and the world will keep 'worlding.'
where is the reason? i wish i had never been led to think about a reason for existence. i used to dream of becoming mentally disabled. completely ignorant. just happy. but, would i be happy? i probably would be dumped into a care home. left with dirty, depressing rooms and "care-takers". fucked either way.
so, i listen to harry connick jr and wish for the 90's. the parts i wish for. dumb, i know. not fulfilling. but damnit if harry and e.r. don't warm me from my coma a bit. just a bit.
shit.
why can't i just be normal? just happy? ignorantly happy?
i am snapping out of it. it is taking a few years. has been. i want to snap out of it. i am working to snap out it.
le sigh.
what do i do with this fact.
fact. not to be disputed. not to be argued with. i will die and the world will keep 'worlding.'
where is the reason? i wish i had never been led to think about a reason for existence. i used to dream of becoming mentally disabled. completely ignorant. just happy. but, would i be happy? i probably would be dumped into a care home. left with dirty, depressing rooms and "care-takers". fucked either way.
so, i listen to harry connick jr and wish for the 90's. the parts i wish for. dumb, i know. not fulfilling. but damnit if harry and e.r. don't warm me from my coma a bit. just a bit.
shit.
why can't i just be normal? just happy? ignorantly happy?
i am snapping out of it. it is taking a few years. has been. i want to snap out of it. i am working to snap out it.
le sigh.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
cock a doodle doo saturday
"grab my cock. as i walk. grab my butt. in a rut."
songs my husband sings while prancing around in the morning.
yup.
all mine.
songs my husband sings while prancing around in the morning.
yup.
all mine.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
wednesday of nothing unimportant
i'm having a love-hate relationship with these wasabi potato chips tonight. do i love them? I DON'T KNOW!
i want life to slow down. i've been listening to the song "combinations" by eisley. over and over and over this week.
i do not know how to live. i have only known broken heart living. my heart isn't broken anymore.
MY HEART IS NOT FUCKING BROKEN ANYMORE!!!! IT'S FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE FANTASTIC WHAT THE FUCK AMAZING WHAT DO I DO NOW!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
i am lost. not broken hearted.
now, i am lost in the What Now.
i want life to slow down. i've been listening to the song "combinations" by eisley. over and over and over this week.
i do not know how to live. i have only known broken heart living. my heart isn't broken anymore.
MY HEART IS NOT FUCKING BROKEN ANYMORE!!!! IT'S FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE FANTASTIC WHAT THE FUCK AMAZING WHAT DO I DO NOW!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!
i am lost. not broken hearted.
now, i am lost in the What Now.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
just add water sunday
I am thankful that I married a man whom let's me be un-bathed for almost a week. He's just sitting in his soccer shorts and a t-shirt playing a video game while his stinky wife chooses to hold off bathing for a while. Sitting on the couch together, stinky and sleepy. I am extra glad that I married a man whom will sniff my armpits and my scalp when I really want him to. Hahahaha!!! He laughs with me!!!
Friday, December 17, 2010
apeshit coming soon friday
i just ate a hunk of cheese. by hunk, i mean the size and thickness of my fist. i have also been drinking orange juice from the jug and am on my way to the kitchen for another 1.75 liters.
this means something is eating me. what is it? i'm not sure yet. this is the beginning stage. i have come to recognize (in this exact moment) that i eat obnoxious amounts of food when my heartmindself- for lack of a better term- is about to go apeshit.
so, fuck rebellion- i am soaking up my crazy sauce and waiting for the monsoon.
it's been awhile since my last blowthefuckupandbecomefireworks intrapersonal experience. i have been doing better. growing up in little ways. not staying in bed and going to work later when i could. putting my toothbrush away EVERY time, exactly where it was before. little things that show i am gaining stability.
whatever this is that is inducing consumption of fine cheese in large quantities, this is bringing me closer to stability.
good.
this means something is eating me. what is it? i'm not sure yet. this is the beginning stage. i have come to recognize (in this exact moment) that i eat obnoxious amounts of food when my heartmindself- for lack of a better term- is about to go apeshit.
so, fuck rebellion- i am soaking up my crazy sauce and waiting for the monsoon.
it's been awhile since my last blowthefuckupandbecomefireworks intrapersonal experience. i have been doing better. growing up in little ways. not staying in bed and going to work later when i could. putting my toothbrush away EVERY time, exactly where it was before. little things that show i am gaining stability.
whatever this is that is inducing consumption of fine cheese in large quantities, this is bringing me closer to stability.
good.
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