no reason still Tuesday

I'm really tired. The kind of tired where your mouth tastes like stomach and life looks like grease smeared on glass. That tired.

Do you ever observe that you are alone- truly alone in that moment. psychologically, physically, philosophically alone. I have those spurts. Not spurts, rather, small washings over of numbness in the deep knowledge within my person. All of the stars and cosmic matter speed by while I sit cross legged and watch myself; sitting alone. Content, but well aware that there is more than contentment somewhere. Then the electric silence slows down right in front of my reflecting face. I get up off of the cold ground and find somebody to love. Or, go take a nap. Whichever is readily available at that moment. Still, I am alone. Pieces of me are not alone. That is good. Pieces that I share with others.

A wise man once said "You are not as fat as you imagine" this is a True, but more importantly he said "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours." That is where I am. I kicked out all of the people who were/are reckless with my heart. Now I am down to a rare few; those being in the beginning stages. And, in turn, I am striving to not be reckless with the hearts of others. So, I am alone. For now. Sometimes. When space speeds up and goes quiet.

And that's ok, Jesus. That's ok for now.