letter to V Friday

I was going to call you but I am calmer now. I would still like the spiritual support that I have heard you mention that you are comfortable with.

Tonight, while I was in P. Square after we served all of the burritos, I was watching the bags while J and G went to get someone a sandwich.

I was sitting on a bench with K's bag, the friend's bag, the burrito Ikea bag, and J's purse. I was wearing my long dress, which you saw, and my usual old lady straw hat.

After a few moments, a man who looked like your average Pland business guy- black shoes, slacks, black jacket with toggles for buttons, wearing a tie and nice sunglasses, short cropped hair- business guy appearance- he was walking by and looked my way. He asked "Excuse me, are you from Portland?" I got up, now thinking he was a tourist, and said ""Yes."

Man: "Do you know of any camping places nearby"

Me: "What do you mean? What kind of camping?" "In the city, or, in the woods?"

Man: "I'm looking for the kind of camps where homeless youth stay. Are there any places in the city?"

Me: "That's being worked on right now, but currently, it's illegal to camp in the city. There are some places, like [place] by the airport that are permanent as of now."

Man: "[place]? Where's that; how do you get there?"

Me: "It's kind of a tent city by the airport. You can take [road] to [road]."

Man: "I'm kind of down on my luck and I'm working for this celebrity in Las Vegas that wants me to shoot adult portraits to send down to Mexico. You're 18?"

Me: "Over."

Man: "Ok. Good. I'm looking for girls in these camps where the homeless youth are to make some videos- you're not a street kid are you?"

Me: "No."

Man: "Ok. You're not a church girl are you?"

Me: "That doesn't really exist up here."

Man: "Good, because one of the questions I need to ask- Do you, do you fuck out?"

Me: "No, I don't."

Man:"Ok. Do you smoke any bud?"

Me:"No, I don't, but I'm sure you can find someone around who does."

Man: "Ok." we shake hands "What was your name?"

Me :"Zo." I was still in an out of body state before I thought 'don't say anything-or- get his name or card.'

Man: "Zo, ok, have a good night."

He walked of going north away from the square. A few moments later, J and the other two came back. I was still in disbelief and slowly beginning to process my encounter while I told them what happened like a joke.

It did not take very long for me to become angry, fearful, anxious about this man and his plans. I walked to where I saw a uniform. It ended up being a Square patrol (not a cop), so I told him I was solicited and gave him a description.
On the drive to drop off the bags at Ken's, my rage and fury painted every bit of me. I was very happy to give you a small hug when we made it there.

I called the police on my way home and left them a voicemail with a brief detail of the occurrence and a description.


The anxiety kept building along with my anger. What if I can't be safe when we go to the Square anymore? What about all of those girls and women this man and others like him get to before the police catch him? I shook his hand and was patient with him, while he endeavored to enslave me. I was alone. I’m small. I’m not physically strong. It is awful to be stuck in this physical state. I was alone. He could find me. I am mad for having to worry about these things. Jesus loves him. I have God’s love and mercy for him. I showed him love. But, I want him to go to prison. There are men and women like this man who are wrangling women and boys and men into sexual slavery. And, I want to help them be clean in their hearts. And, I am helpless.

I am working through a lot of things in my heart and mind about the experience. This guy is still out there. I am supposed to be Jesus to him. I am furious and anxiety ridden for me and women and men; and sad for this man.

I am in a state of philosophical, theological, physiological, spiritual, everything-ogical chaos. But not chaos, at the same time; all twisting and clawing at my being.

I am watching tv episodes online until I pass out. I am also self-medicating with sugary gum. It’s a great novacaine.
God is teaching me something, whatever the fuck it is.

So, lift me up to God, please. I need assistance.
Necesito ayudas, Jesus.