Metric's Grow Up and Blow Away Saturday

So what is this whole fucking thing?

I don't know.


I don't have any friends because I cannot trust anyone.

I have friends, few and far far spread across my years because I love.

No one will remember me 10 years after I die, pretty dang sure about that.


What is this whole fucking thing?



I was supposed to die when I was young. You didn't know that. I was. I lived in a house of death, but I lived; only long enough to again be ready to leave the world and go to sleep forever- 15. I woke up from that surgery, distraught that I was still here. I was truly ready and had said goodbye. So...? Fuck that. I kept going and died only in soul as my life progressed.


It has taken me all of my life to scrape out of the swamp that is generational poverty. Fuck you, I say. Sure we had a house. After that it stopped. Fuck that. Thank God for people giving us sacks of rice and beans. Jesus. It has taken even more clutching at slippery railing under boggy water to escape the victim mentality. It still creeps up in trace amounts here and there and must be faced and painfully climbed through. So what do I say about others in poverty? Nothing. I am no judge, but will be judged rightly by God for my wrongs. I will not be able to hide from them. No act of goodness, kindness, what ever the fuck you insert here, nothing of anything I do will bring me to rights with God. What the F?!?!! I'm smiling about it. WTF?@!?!?! I am insane. I don't even know what to say to my own words above. I just am that I am.


What is this life? I probably do not need to know. Probably never know. Does it even matter when I am dead?What is dead? Really the real alive? I think too much today. Maybe some day that will stop. hmmm...