we're just two lost souls swimming in a pink floyd song Saturday

Second night in a row of watching The Lost Boys before I bring my day to a close; delicious 80's movie. De-lish-usss. Mmmmmmmm :) I need to nab The Goonies next. Oh. Yes.


I am thinking of giving away a lot of my clothes. I am also thinking of getting some hot old-school ray-bans, but that's another story.


It's just that itch to give away everything. I have gotten rid of my things roughly at the turn of each year in my inwardly-conscious life. I just want it all gone. I think this is 60% healthy for me. That other 40%...I need to hang on to...something. I don't have to be a nomad anymore. I don't have to live in a constant state of 'prepare for the worst'. I should want to fight to live. I should want to fight to have happiness, security, love. I should be able to fully, completely, and absolutely vulnerably...love. I know this. I acknowledge. That's the first step to recovery, I guess. I think. I hope.


I just want to breathe.

I can't breathe.

Sometimes I catch a gasp. An hour of dancing alone in the dark. An automatic, unhindered hug towards another. An hour of loud, broken, wailing sobs embraced like food. I just wan tot be free, Jesus. I want to be free. Help me to breathe.

Help me to breathe.

Thanks for the bits. My smiles are all for you. My tears are all for you, too.

Jesus. goodnite...