Sunday, November 28, 2010

promise i'm not antisocial entirely sunday

look, people. sometimes a person sits with her eyes closed in a coffee shop across from her friend because she explicitly wants to be in the same space as this friend and not fill it with chatter- because there is nothing more to fucking say right now! why are people so grated by silence? by stillness? my friend is reading and i have stared happily and thoughtfully at her for 15 minutes, i would like to dwell in the caverns of my thoughts now, thank you. ps, having my eyes closed is a part of the experience. you should try it sometime. really. stop talking to me. stop talking. calm down. close your mouths. close your eyes. and think.

i know you are not trying to be rude, but, you're being invasive a smidge. i understand that you could not possibly know how important it is to me that i sit here like a warm, mushy statue and bury my mind in the sand behind my eyelids. sandy beaches as waves of thinking roll, and roll, and roll, and roll... FUCKING ESSENTIAL TO ME! you grate me with your fidgety need to fill the silence and pester me in order to make yourselves feel less uncomfortable. grmmmarbgreeblthrrrr!!! that is the noise in my person right now.

okay, i know. you want to communicate with the weirdos. the friends sitting across from the table, not making eye contact, not making noise, and not freaking out about it. i will open her computer and spallunk around until you feel like your work here is done and commence talking amongst yourselves like good little coffee shop goers.

yes, i know i'm a freak. BUT IT MAKES ME HAPPY. :]!!!! so, unless you are ready to discuss with me the possibilities of what happens when a human dies, our deepest struggles and most majestic triumphs; shit like this- please silencio. i can't handle any other type of conversation right now. which is why i am going to sit here and think. in silence. eyes closed.

some day i might be like you. don't set your hopes too high. i really like being me. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!

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