it's currently 11:11. and I am Phil.1:21.
Death is my constant companion. The experience of dying will most surely be unpleasant, terrifying...heartbreaking. Death himself, and the Way that is Death, existence in Death- living not in this world...he attends me. Rather, I attend him. I have been casual and comfortable with him since childhood. I watched him allure my toddler sister toward a 4-lane highway in the night. I looked at his face as I ran to stop her. I held no anger for him when she fought my heaving grip around her to go to meet him. She did not know; I did. He filled the halls of my life. He waited for me. He observed the man my mother chose second as he continually showed her how to dance with dying. She stayed. Thus, Sir Death stayed with me.
I feared him only once before I had married. The night I cursed God...which I directly took back when Death leered over my blackness. His other face. I walked with death, I wanted him, the night I went into surgery. I wanted Heaven. Every time I woke after that I waited not to wake again. Wished for it. I simply wanted to be home. Home. With Jesus. For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Now I am married. Death is with me. We are too close to let go. We need each other. Yet, my husband needs me here. I love my husband.
I cherish our existence; human, earthbound. The cracks in my heart want more. Want Death. And, so, Heaven. God. Jesus. Piercing fire and the mighty hand of God reaching out to me, to Creation and all within- crashing over us with Love. Power. Ferocity exuding triumph; Love, Power; God Almighty. Death waits for me. And I wait for Death. The Angel of Death passes me by. For now. What do I do with my existence here? I love. Love is my sword and shield. God is Love. Death and I walk hand in hand. Love and I live. When I die, I will be with Love. I will be with God. And that...is all that I want.
Goodnight Death. Goodnight Love. You will be with me, always. And I love you.
I love you God. King of Life, King of Death, King of Love.
You are my King.
And I love you.
Goodnight God.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment