I want to go to my old church and yell "You are a douche!"
My kinda-friend I sometimes helped to lead singing with called to ask me if I was going to be around this Sunday. Nay can do because I am going to see the freaking 100 Monkeys!!!! He wanted to know if I would share about the Holy Spirit and said maybe next time when I said outa country yo.
I wanted to scream at him. Holy Spirit! You mean that which you and your entire brethren continually squelch from me and each other!?! That Holy Spirit?! The one GOd sent us?! The one Jesus sent us?! That one?! Fuck you! You say you want freedom of soul- but not if it goes outside of your worship order. You say you are a place of renewal- but not if it makes you uncomfortable, embarrassed, flabbergasted, agitated, bothered. Fuck you.
But, I love you where you're at. Just stop telling me that you want me to be a part of your change- because you refuse to change! Leave me the fuck alone! Figure out your shit and then get back to me. Fuck you, my friend. Fuck you. You drive me fucking insane.
We should get freaked out! We should go "What the fuck was that?!" We should scream and shout! Fall on knees! Fall on our fucking faces! We should freeze up, gasping for air! We should be dumbfounded! Terrified! Horribly overjoyed! Hysterical! Wake up and listen to the souls around you- that is the Holy Spirit! Quiet and riot. That is the Holy Spirit. I hope you shit yourself the next time you ask anyone to share about the Holy Spirit. You cannot fathom or pretend to entertain that which you deny. The Holy Spirit means there is a spiritual realm means there are angels, demons, rank and file of kingdoms working to capture us- with love or with endless death. Until you acknowledge the Lord God and ALL that is the Lord's - you leave me the fuck out of it. I'm tired of your sissy shit-faced labels, PowerPoint, broke ass limericks and soul-numbing metaphors that pack God, Jesus, Humanity, everything into 'words to live by" on sale now for just $9.95. Shut up, man. Just shut the fuck up and go somewhere else.
I have to go to Spanish class. I don't know everything. I am not the Bible/Jesus/God/ Holy Spirit king of knowledge. I just know what I know. I don't judge my old church. I do get fucking angry angry angry with them. What else with family? I just won't do it anymore. I love you, and that's it. I don't belong with you. Hopefully you'll figure out why.
Bendiciones en el Espiritu Santu; para todos. Yo tambien. Verdad.
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